Passamaquoddy Bay, Maine
“If
you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.” - Napoleon Hill
“I came to learn that God never shows us
something we aren't ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need
to see, when we need to see it. He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open
to Him, and then when we're ready, He will plant our feet on the path that's
best for us...but it's up to us to do the walking.” -Immaculee Ilibagiza
I was recently
asked the question: “What is the
difference between when you are living in God’s will or your own self will?” I am not at a level of spirituality that I
could give anything close to a complete answer, but I can make some
observations.
There are really
two questions here – there is the difference as I feel it in the moment and the
difference in the outcomes that I can only see in retrospect.
In the big picture, I can say that following
the intuitive voice and the guidance of others who work to connect brings me
things of lasting value. I am never “late”
nor am I ever “early,” I am where I am supposed to be all the time. I am not only able to meet calamity with
serenity, there is no more calamity. For
example, today I locked my keys in my car – and of course I had an appointment
to be met in a short while. My first
thought as I shut the door and realized both they and my wallet were inside was
“Ok, God, who am I supposed to meet in the process of trying to get back in the
car?” Soon enough, a fellow came along
who had a piece of wire and we were in the car.
A conversation ensued, and a few things he is struggling with came
up. We agreed to meet Sunday, I left and
the “appointment” I was now late for showed up just after I did.
If this were an
isolated incident I would be grateful for my “luck.” But it is not – these things happen numerous
times each day when I am following God’s will.
Often when I ask for guidance it is the thing that I don’t want to do
that God asks me to do. Two days ago
this was walking away from a place where I would be fed, had a bedroom to use
and a shower available. I could easily
delay moving on to the next town for a day – besides it was raining. I quieted myself and got the answer to move
on. I called a man who mentors me to get
his input, and he said without hesitation “You have got to go.” I did, and as a result I met a professor at a
university that I would not have otherwise met, and we had a conversation on a
spiritual level I have never had before.
Meaningful
coincidences about when I am in God’s will – one of the “trail markers” God
gives me is the number 1111. When I am
in that “zone” I will see it constantly – even on broken clocks. When I am running the show I quit seeing
it. There is much more – to those that have
not been in that zone or witnessed these thing through one who is I would risk making you think I am manufacturing stories by going on.
On the other
side of the coin is self-will. Besides
all the meaningful coincidences being gone, there are other big signs I am in
self-will. The first is that I immediately
start wanting more – more of everything.
It might be better camera gear, a better vehicle, more food, more money,
more friendship, more more more. And I
start plotting about how I can get these things I “need.” And when I do get them, guess what I
want? Still more.
I start catching
myself projecting into the future. I
start having conversations with people who are not present. By that I don’t mean schizophrenic
conversation – I mean that I start practicing what I am going to say or re-playing
old conversations in my head. I find my
thoughts on tomorrow, on next week, next year or beyond, and either start
scheming grand schemes or decide that what I am doing isn’t worth it. I start looking for the “hidden meaning” in what
others say, sure that they are manipulating things to their benefit. I get judgmental, and I start holding
grudges. Soon, if I am not thinking
about the future I am rehashing the past and either beating myself up or nursing
resentments.
It really is this starkly black-and-white. God’s will gives me
peace and meaning. Self-will gives me fear,
guilt fantasies and anger. God’s will
gives me a deep appreciation of my fellows – I feel I can connect with them at
the deepest level possible. My will has
me sick of people in general – myself included.
Yes, on a
regular basis I find myself heading back into self-will – I want to be the
director of the show. But today I do everything
I can to catch it quickly, and when I realize I am I DO NOT beat myself up. I once again accept that I am a human being
living on a journey over which I have little control, I laugh at myself and I
do whatever it takes to get back into positive action.
Skeptical? Get on your knees and ask how – quit asking “give
me” and start asking “show me.” Then
quiet yourself, do the next right thing and the next thing right and watch what
happens. God always shows up.
Today,
may I stay the course.
Be present for life today !!
David