Want a solution? Meditation for 5/12/14

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 “It isn’t that they can’t see the solution, it’s that they can’t see the problem.”   -  Gilbert Chesterton

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that we used when we created them.”  - Albert Einstein

       For a doctor to attempt surgery on their own brain tumor would be foolish.  But when it comes to emotional and mental struggles I want to use the same brain that is struggling with an issue to solve the issue.  I may convince myself that I am unique; I am facing an issue that no one else could fully understand.  Regardless of what form of self-justification I use the result is that I find myself running around addressing symptoms of the underlying issue rather than the issue itself – I have no chance of addressing something I do not know exists.  Only when the discomforts of not dealing with the issue exceed the discomfort of asking for help do I speak up. The underlying is fear that other human beings will reject me for being human.  So I act like a frightened boy who looks at the sky and whistles while walking through the graveyard at night – “If I ignore it then it does not exist.”  Pretty silly huh?

    There is a solution.  We can simply lower the amount of discomfort we feel approaching and getting honest with another who can help.  Then the pain of an issue does not have to become intolerable before we address it.  Accepting that we are human and none of us can sufficiently detach from ourselves to have a clear view is a good step in the right direction.  But nothing helps like just reaching out a few times and realizing that the fears were bogus to start with.  If we do the work to develop a network of people that we share a mutual trust with we have built something of great value. It will help us stop chasing diversions and become observant and truthful about 

ourselves, warts and all.  With this approach we can spare ourselves much grief and begin to really appreciate what incredible beings we are.  

Today, may I be willing.  

Have an awesome Monday !!

David

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What are you good for? Meditation for 5/8/14

Sunset on Dataw Island; Sc

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 “The only ones among you who will be truly happy are those that have sought and found out how to serve.”  -  Albert Schweitzer

“Service is the highest form of self-service for the person who serves.”  -  Elbert Hubbard

     Honest self-examination brings the realization that spending our life in the pursuit of possessions, power or recognition is futile.  We see that any goals we reach along these lines never deliver lasting satisfaction; rather their attainment creates a greater lust than we had before.  This is the addiction of “more” – no matter what we attain we need ever increasing quantities of it to achieve any satisfaction.  This applies to everything from climbing the corporate ladder to seeking solace in prescriptions or booze.  But if all of these pursuits are doomed to failure, how are we supposed to live a life with any feeling of accomplishment?

     There is a simple solution that works.  For whatever period of time – an hour, a day, a month or a lifetime that we can bring ourselves to understand that our purpose in life is to be of service we reap rewards directly proportionate to the strength of our commitment.  Although we must act on this realization to actually reap the benefits, it is not the actions alone that yield the results.  It is the resulting state of mind that creates the shift within us.  

     When we take the actions necessary to bring ourselves into alignment with this understanding our cynical attitude becomes the feeling that we have meaning and worth.   Rather than viewing others as a potential source of gain, a competitor or an obstacle our new-found empathy allows us to develop genuine and honest relationships.  Rather than fearing change we find opportunity for growth in every circumstance.   As our intentions toward others shift from self promotion to usefulness we find ourselves caring about what others need rather than what they think.  Where we indulged in self pity and victimhood we find gratitude and compassion.  Where we were demanding and quick-tempered we find ourselves showing tolerance and patience.  We find that life really is going somewhere and that we have an important role to play in it.  The list goes on and on – even to the point that we finally realize that when we give of ourselves we always get far more in return.  And what is it that we should be of service to?  Well, if “God” is in everything it follows that everything we interact with is an opportunity for service.  Thus in every moment of every day we have the opportunity to improve our own life.  And with these realizations we come to see that we alone have the ability to make ourselves “happy.”

Today, may I be useful.

Have a great Thursday !!
David

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Why are you angry? Meditation for 5/7/14

Dataw Island; SC

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“Anger always comes from frustrated expectation.”  - Elliott Larson

“Expectations are the keys to resentments.”   -  Anon

         Keeping our expectations realistic is something within our power.  But as much as we would like to convince ourselves otherwise, we hold no power over other people, places and situations.  Yet so often we still expect (forecast, suppose, presume, surmise) things to conform to our desires.  When they do not, we get angry, and when this worsens the situation we get resentful and manipulative.  These worsen the situation, and we either lash out or withdraw.  It is one of the most negative cycles we get into, and it is readily predictable based upon the conviction with which we hold expectations that we will get “our way.”  And regardless of how many times we find out otherwise, we still convince ourselves that we know what is best for us and launch ourselves into the cycle again and again. 

     Expectations are forecasts – we are not where our feet are when we make them; we are presuming to divine the future.  Based upon we think we want and what actions we figure will obtain this for us, we develop this prophesy to fit what we suppose the outcome of our efforts will be.  Now we have a vested interest – our self esteem is on the line.   So on top of everything else, when things to not go our way our self-esteem is bruised, and in the resulting huff we miss the realistic opportunities that did present themselves.   

     This does not mean we do not trust our fellows.  It just means that we come to understand that we make unrealistic expectations based upon desires that are rooted in the fear that things must go this or that way or we will not be happy.  We can choose to quit setting ourselves up for anger and resentments.  We quit trying to control other people – which was an impossible expectation of ourselves to start with.  Realizing that we are reacting to fear allows us to understand what we are anxious about and allows us to accept reality.  Only then are we able to be fully present in the moment; able to respond to the situations life presents us regardless of what they are.  It all comes back to self awareness – do we choose to allow our ego’s constant fearful projections to run our lives or do we come to be comfortable with ourselves and engage life as it is?  We make this decision every moment whether we choose to be aware of it or not.

Today, may I check my motives.   

Have a great Wednesday !!

David

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So you think you are a believer? Meditation for 5/6/14

36 x 48 inch framed canvas for Old Savannah Tours

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“Faith is about doing.  You are how you act, not how you believe.”  -  Mitch Albom

“Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.”  -  Seneca

     For much of my life it seemed important to know what I believed and how that compared to what you believed.  Many hours and days were spent formulating and arguing beliefs.  By definition, a belief is the acceptance that something is true.  Indeed our life is spent navigating among “belief systems.”  These are large bodies of beliefs that are subscribed to by individuals in order to act as a bloc.  There are political beliefs, religious beliefs, scientific beliefs, social beliefs – the list goes on and on.  And of course there is hypocrisy.  Hypocrisy is when one’s actions are completely at odds with what they profess to believe.  Then there are the issues with rationalization – if I believe this or that I have to be prepared to defend that belief if you should question it.  Then there is the proselytizing thing – most beliefs demand that you can only prove your “belief” by convincing others to profess that you have convinced them that your belief is the right one.  It all is very complicated and time consuming, and lots of people fight and even kill each other over these differences in what they have convinced themselves is true.

     Lately I have backed off on “belief.”  I have decided that in my little corner of the world I am just going to pay attention to what actually works.  For example:  For a long while I was struggling with the fact that when I pray for direction I am only given the next one right thing to do.  I got really irritated with this.  After all, God has all these answers and yet he wants to string me along a piece at a time.  But then it occurred to me – who said God has to have all the answers?  What if I view God as being on the journey too – that God doesn’t have the answers as to who will live in self-will and who will act out of love?  This would mean that God and I formed a partnership of sorts, with God having a much better seat to observe and give guidance from but still relying on me to regularly check in and to perform the work well.  And adopting that attitude has helped me immensely – I no longer get those periods of rebellion where I get sick of feeling like I am a mule chasing a carrot.

     Now, I could “argue this new belief.”  I could say that even religious texts show folks “believe” he doesn’t.  For instance in Judeo-Christianity God and Satan make a bet about whether this one particular guy would cave in if they kill of his family and take away all his stuff.  Now, if God knew the future why in the world would Satan agree to such a bet?  But how about a different approach.  How about if I just say that this view works for me right now, and I don’t have to convince anyone – including myself that it is correct.  I can use it as a mental model for now, and if it quits working or something comes along that works better in the future I can look at adopting it at that time.  I can tell you that this approach is much more freeing than a rigid approach where I have to argue, debate and convince others of what what I am going to “believe.”  And it changes my definition of God – it allows me to believe in the God I experience rather than trying to experience the God of my belief.  It worked again today – I think I will try it again tomorrow.

Today, may I be effective.

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How is your attitude? Meditation for 5/5/14

"Georgia Queen" in Savannah GA

 “Enthusiasm is the most beautiful thing on earth.”  – Christian Morgenstern

“The world belongs to the energetic.”  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

♫ ♪ “You got to have faith…”   - George Michael

     To be cheerful is to cause happiness by nature or presence, to be noticeably optimistic and happy.  Kicking up cheerfulness a couple notches we find enthusiasm.  To be enthusiastic is to display intense enjoyment, eagerness and interest, to show great excitement and zeal.  The root of the word is the Greek “En Theos,” meaning to be inspired by God or “in God.”  And is not enthusiasm simply faith in motion?    To have zeal about anything we must be beyond belief, we have to be past trust – we have to be at that point of full faith to where we do not even have to think about the legitimacy of and the benefit of the stretch of path we are vigorously walking.  And talk about contagious – when someone else is in complete faith and filled with the resultant positive spiritual energy that comes from their enthusiasm, who can resist?

     But how do we obtain such intense faith in a given path?  First curiosity and interest must develop, because without the desire to learn we certainly will not obtain the knowledge we need to be excited about anything.  Acting on this desire brings the knowledge itself, which requires both inquiry and putting ourselves out there to get experience.  After we have put ourselves “on the line” we can find ourselves getting the guidance we need to obtain good results, which brings faith in what we are going about.  Only after we have full confidence in the validity of the direction we are to go do we find the deep commitment to the undertaking itself.   And here we find the true fuel of life – exuberance, enthusiasm, zeal – that state of being “En Theos,” gratefully and purposefully striding through life.  And it all starts with finding faith – which takes purposeful and guided action.  What better goal can we strive for today?

Today, may I stride purposefully.    

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Want something new? Meditation for 11/24/14

1st magnolia blossoms of '14 - Savannah GA

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If you want to be where you have never been you have to go where you have never gone.  -  Anon

Do what you did and you will get what you got.  – Anon

     How often we want something different.  We sit about and fantasize about a set of circumstances in which we would be happy, whole and complete.  It may be a glamorized depiction of someone else’s life on television, it may be something we read about or it might be something we have always dreamed of.  Or, it might be something we want rid of – “If it only weren’t for ________, life would be fine.”  So we live in the delusion that maybe some unforeseen circumstance will come along and rescue us – we will win the lottery or get the dream job or those around us will magically start doing what we want them to do.  And the tragic thing is that those things that we spend years yearning for in life that actually come true usually end up being way more of a burden than they were worth. 

     But we want to improve ourselves, and deep down we know that if nothing changes – well, nothing changes.  If we change our location without changing ourselves, we will find ourselves right back in a similar circumstance to what we are in right now.  What is it we crave?  Deep down, isn’t it a meaningful life, freedom and serenity?   But these most valuable things do not fall in our lap – they are the result of doing the hard work required to be rid of the negative baggage we carry and become connected to this life in a way we never have been before.  Letting go of old ideas is difficult and it is scary.  But we serve ourselves well to remember that if we truly want to go where we have never gone before, a change in location is not a requirement.  It is only a change in our spiritual course that can lead us to anywhere new.

Today, may I do the work.  

Happy Friday!!

David

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Life goes on - Meditation for 5/1/14

Ships of the Sea Museum; Savannah GA

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“In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life.  It goes on.”  - Robert Frost

“We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble over them, climb on them or build with them.” – William Ward

     When we have developed expectations that some person, place or thing in our life is permanent and it proves to be temporary we feel our foundation is crumbling.  We had convinced ourselves that our life was going to be a certain way, and when our illusions are dashed it can feel as though a portion of our identity has been wiped out.  It doesn’t matter that all such foundations are illusions to start with – to us it is real.  We are human, and we come to rely on things to help us make sense of our world. So how do we deal with unplanned circumstances that “throw us for a loop?” 

     There are all the clichés.  Expect the unexpected.  Life goes on.  Keep calm and carry on.  Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  They go on and on.  But when we are in the middle of the forest we cannot see the trees.  And if the thing that failed to live up to our expectations was a core part of our life?  We may even start having thoughts of just calling it quits altogether.

     This is one of the places that a well-developed spiritual relationship fills a role that nothing else can.  We either have developed a relationship with the spirit or we have not.  If we have not, we ultimately become convinced either that life conspires against us and our well intentioned plans and designs or that everything that happens is by random chance.  However, if we have practiced following the spirit and observing the results of this path, we have developed a confident understanding that regardless of circumstances, a path will emerge that will bring us growth and opportunities to be of service.  And although facing a catastrophe may be necessary for us to begin following this path, it sure is easier if we have done the work when times were “good.”

Today, may I do the work.   

Have a great Thursday !!

David

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Detach with love - Meditation for 4/30/14

Magnolia Gardens; Charleston SC

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“Detach with love.”  - Anon

“I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I cannot cure it.”  - Anon

     It is difficult when someone close to us is engaging in destructive behavior and there seems to be nothing we can do to stop it.  A friend is cheating on their spouse, a sibling is abusing prescriptions, a business affiliate that is cheating the system, a child is drinking excessively – there are many varieties.  Inevitably they drag us into their negativity and try to have us cosign their nonsense.  It may be that they expect us to protect them from the consequences of their actions, we may face legal liability by just knowing what they are doing and our silence makes us a co-conspirator, or they may just try to get us to rationalize it along with them.  It is natural for us to feel that we are responsible to some degree for those we love, but in reality we have no control over their behavior.  It is easy to get to a point of frustration that we threaten to cut them out of our life or expose them for their behavior – and thus we end up spiritually and emotionally sick along with them.  These situations are more common than we would like to admit.

     We must find a way to distance ourselves without burning bridges or putting ourselves in an emotional state that we become so harsh that we cannot reverse course later.  The first step is to realize that we have no control over them – these natural feelings of being “responsible” for the consequences of others behavior is an illusion which is easily exploited.  For our own emotional health, we have to believe that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.  So, the only remaining option is to create some distance.

     First, we need to stop rescuing them from the consequences of their actions – this causes more harm than good because we “train” them that they can continue in their negativity unscathed, which causes nothing but escalation of the behavior.  Second, we can draw clear boundaries without bringing threats or intimidation into the equation, and stick to these as long as the behavior remains unchanged.  We also need to make clear that we are not going to accept latent liability for their actions - regardless.  Then we need to extract ourselves from the relationship as gracefully as possible without taking on false feelings of guilt or shame.  Much more can be said about this, and when in the situation we need to educate ourselves.  By doing so, we save ourselves much unnecessary grief in life.

Today, may I detach with love when necessary.

Have a great Wednesday !!
David

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Tired of arguing? Meditation for 4/29/14

Statue in Bonaventure Cemetery; Savannah GA

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“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”  -  John Wooden

“Pick your battles carefully.”  -  Old adage

     Several times lately I have been asked for my opinion on something by people who have an axe to grind.  One situation was someone who wanted me to agree that a certain group of people were not qualified to do a specific job.  In the other case, a man wanted me to agree that if everyone were able to openly carry firearms we would be better off.  These are far from the only times I have been asked for my opinion on issues that I have no control over in my life.  But what has changed is my attitude.

    You see, I don’t feel that I have to have the answer or need to have an opinion on things anymore.  Part of learning to accept the things you cannot change is learning that most things in life fall into this category.  Part of learning anything is the growing awareness that learning itself is the progressive discovery of our own ignorance.  And yet so often we feel we have to have an answer – that we cannot say we don’t have an opinion or that we don’t know without appearing dull or simple.

     But why do we have to have an opinion?  And even if we have one, why do we need to feel obligated to share it with someone else?  In both of these cases I was able to state that I really didn’t have an opinion on the issue, and didn’t care to form one.  Amazingly, both people dropped the topic.  I am not saying that there won’t be those people who consider our stating we don’t have an opinion as their cue to get on the bully pulpit, but I am saying that it is surprising how seldom we have to voice one at all.  It sure makes life a lot easier.  We don’t have to convince or argue our point, we don’t have to sort through a lot of other folk’s notions on things that are irrelevant to what we are supposed to be doing anyway, and it saves an awful lot of wasted words.   

     And when it comes to trying to convince anyone of anything, the old saying “One convinced against their will is of the same opinion still” becomes relevant.  It might well save us a heated conversation or a headache brought on by wracking our brain over things that don’t affect us right now anyway.

Today, may I be prudent.

Have a great Tuesday !!

David

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Want to win? Meditation for 4/28/14

Houlihan Bridge; Savannah GA

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“Surrender to win.”  -  Anon

“You cannot fulfill your purpose when you are focused on your own plans.”  -  Rick Warren

     When life brings us circumstances that vex us to the point that we are giving up rent-free space in our head, we need a solution.  All manner of things get us worked up – expectations we have that life is going to cooperate with our will, desires that plague us to the point we become irrational, realities that conflict with fixed notions we have formulated in our head.  Often it is other people or institutions that are acting in a manner that will interfere with the vision we have for our life.  But whatever it is, we must realize that what we resist persists.  Ever notice that it is when we “reach wits end” and give up on something that things start to change?  The reality of this life is that we just invigorate the very things that we want to change by resisting them.

 

     But this is where semantics plague us.  We think that surrendering to the reality of a situation is to give up on it entirely.  This is not the case at all.  For instance, say I have driven my car in the ditch.  I can stand there and complain to the passengers that they were distracting me.  I can cuss the road builders for having built an unsafe road.  I can whine how the suspension and tires on the car are not adequate.  But nothing is going to get better until I quit trying to assign blame or make excuses and surrender to the fact that my car is now in the ditch.  Only then can I start looking at alternatives or solutions to the circumstance I am facing.  Think this is trite?  Well, think about your last feud with someone that ended up resolving itself into a friendship.  At what point did the feud end and the friendship begin?  It happened at precisely the moment you surrendered to the reality that the other person is who they are, has done whatever it is they have done, realized that we are powerless over their behaviors and decided to accept them just as they are.   As long as we continue to bicker, plot, scheme, whine or engage in any other negative we are going to stay stuck right where we are.

     Just as surrender does not equal quitting, powerlessness does not equate to helplessness.  We need to find the internal calm and quiet to create the space for intuition to ease in, for new attitudes to take root and new actions to become possible.  And remember, this intuition does not tell us why we are to take a new course of action, it simply prescribes the actions that will achieve the best outcome for all involved.   It is just another of the paradoxes of the spiritual path – power comes from surrender, and surrender comes from the realization of powerlessness.  It will save us much aggravation if we can keep this fresh in our mind so that we can utilize it the moment we become disturbed.

Today, may I stay centered.

Happy Monday !!

David

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Think you are independent? Meditation for 4/25/14

Canvas painting for sale in Savannah GA

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“No man is an island.”  - Thomas Merton

“In learning you will teach; in teaching you will learn.”  -  Phil Collins 

   “You are not the boss of me.”  How hard so many of us fight accountability.  In fact, many of our relationships are but thinly disguised competitions for “control.”  We either try to dominate the other party, or that failing, we become dependent upon them.  This is not an easy thing to see when we first start looking at ourselves, but if we take an honest look, in how many of our close relationships are we content to just “let the other person be” and love them for who they are?

     In those relationships where we have subconsciously dependent, we might well rebel consciously against the other person’s “power” over us.  In relationships where we have asserted ourselves on another, we might delude ourselves into taking credit for their successes and blame for their failures.  Both ends of the spectrum are unhealthy. 

     But only a fool seeks his own counsel.  Left to our own devices, most of us will get ourselves well off the path and either isolating or becoming grandiose with false pride.  Even without these extremes, we all fall into periods of procrastination.  Other times when we become so judgmental of others that we cost ourselves opportunities.  Still others we stop taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually and begin to decay. 

     To some degree we all fight the notion of someone else having “control” over our lives.  The last thing we want is to have to be accountable to someone.  But if we are to progress to our potential we must do it.  And if we must do it, why not do it by choice and pick someone whom we trust to guide and mentor us?  A wise decision and the continued commitment to make ourselves accountable in the proper manner will pay dividends in all areas of our lives.  And ultimately it will lead us to something even more rewarding – we will end up being a mentor for those that come along behind us.

Today, may I commit to being teachable. 

Happy Friday!!

David

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