Family Feud?

Ogeechee River; GA

“You cannot un-ring a bell.”  -  English Idiom

“Words in haste lay friendships waste.”  -  Benjamin Franklin ?

      It seems to me that most long term grudges and feuds that develop between people who were once close have their root in events that took place immediately after a crisis.  It seems it is in our human nature to say and do things we regret when something bad has happened.  Often, the first thing we feel we must do is assign blame.  And, of course, those closest to us are usually the object of our wrath.  Then we try to re-play the incidents, as though by analyzing what happened we can change the outcome.  Soon we are telling others what they should have and should not have done.  Spiteful and often deeply hurtful things are said – things which cannot be un-said and things that although we would take back if we could, we often entrench ourselves with and draw up battle-lines. 

     And at the same time we are hyper-sensitive to what others are saying.  We are in defense mode, trying to make sure that blame does not fall on us.  The words of others are emblazoned into our mind and we are quick to make harsh judgments about THEIR reactions in the aftermath of the event. 

     If we can just learn to pause when we are agitated – and the more agitated we are the longer we pause.  Get away from the situation if possible.   Remember that others are doing the best they can with what they have, and that they have a full inventory of fears that are disproportionately dominating their thought processes.  Remember that this too shall pass, and that what we say can never be unsaid – just as others cannot un-say what they have said.  If we can just avoid forming opinions and judgments until all the facts are in.  And most importantly, even though our fear is probably not letting us feel anything like love for others involved, if we can just “act as if” we are responding out of love rather than reacting out of fear driven anger. 

     If we have trained ourselves on a daily basis to pause before we speak, to stop when we are angered, to get away from things to gain perspective, chances are we will be able to do this when the difficult events come.  And, if we haven’t so trained ourselves, we will probably lash out and create resentments that will haunt us the rest of our life.  It is something to highly attune ourselves to, because the crises will come.

Today, may I be loving - regardless.  

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