Colleton River Plantation; Bluffton SC
“If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” - Mother Teresa
“Love is not blind. It simply enables one to see things that others cannot see.” - Unknown
One of the greatest gifts we can give to those closest to us – and one of the hardest gifts to give them – is space to “be.” We are conditioned to believe that if we love someone we should spend or risk our life rescuing them from peril. But it is only through making decisions, acting on them and then fully experiencing the consequences (“good” or “bad”) that any of us grow. When we feel we have a “personal stake” in the “success” or “failure” of those close to us, our selfishness will lead us into interfering in the path that is laid out for them. We may have our identity wrapped up in what we think other people think or might think of us, worried that if someone close to us makes mistakes it will reflect poorly upon us. We may be afraid to let them stretch their wings because we are afraid of losing them. We may fear that they have betrayed us and if it were found out others would mock us. In this manner our own fears lead to all types of enabling, stifling, rescuing and unreasonable demands that cause much harm.
When we do the work to identify, sort out and take the power out of our own fears, we find out that it is ok for ourselves to just “be.” By natural extension, we begin to see that it is ok for those close to us to “be” also. We realize that the only way they will learn is by suffering the consequences of their actions, and if we spare them consequences in minor things, they will escalate into larger things and suffer a bigger consequence down the road when we cannot “rescue” them. We begin to see that we cannot change anyone – even changing ourselves is a difficult prospect that requires facing our own pain. We develop compassion for the struggles that others are not even aware that they have. We learn to forgive, because we realize that we all punish ourselves in ways and at deeper levels than anyone else possibly could. This does not mean that we quit being of service to others – in fact we free up the energy and gain the wisdom to be of service in ways that actually make a difference. We start helping with those things that others cannot do for themselves rather than enabling them by assuming responsibilities that they themselves must face if they are to mature. Becoming willing to allow those close to us the space to “be” and being prudently, rather than bluntly honest with them are signs that we are starting to unconditionally love ourselves – and by extension becoming able to unconditionally love those around us.
Today, may I learn to love. D.Emch
Have a great Monday all!!