What-cha-ma-callit bird
“Effective
confrontation is an art.” - Kendall Stewart
“The
point of confrontation is to avoid conflict and crisis.”
When the time comes that we must confront others, we have to remember the
purpose of confrontation to start with. The purpose is a
solution. If we cannot find a way to approach the situation from a
standpoint of compassion and love, we will most likely get conflict instead of
positive results. We cannot change other people; they must be motivated
to change themselves. So, the chances of success are greatly enhanced if the
individual can feel that they solved the problem or were a big part of the solution.
Hence, preparation on our part is essential.
We need to isolate the issue and get our ego out of it. Our fears, if
unaddressed, will sabotage us. The time and place must be chosen
carefully to avoid the appearance of an “ambush.” Being direct to the
point, stating the issue clearly, focusing on behavior and avoiding personal
attack are crucial. They need to be allowed to speak on the issue,
because if they did not feel they had good reasons for the behavior they would
not engage in it. Then we ask for suggestions, knowing that change will
only come if they are involved in a solution. If they do not have any
suggestions, we need to have some ready. A “peace offering,” or something
we are willing to do in return so there is a feeling of compromise can go a
long way. Then, we keep our promises and let the results go. As the old
proverb states; “Tell me and I’ll forget, show me and I might remember, involve
me and I’ll understand.”
Today, may I
remember to check my motives.
D.Emch
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