Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Have the answers? Do you know the questions?

Canon Point; St. Simon's Island GA

“I thought I had all the answers when in reality I didn’t even know the right questions.”  -  Anon

“Things changed for me when I started asking “How” instead of “Why.”  - Anon

     The other day I had the opportunity to listen to a woman speak about her life – her struggles and her successes.  She grew up in a small town where her grand-father was a minister and her father owned a car dealership.  She and her siblings were taught young to put on a face to the world that said they lived in an ideal situation.  In reality though, there was constant chaos within the home.  Among the worst was the fact that both the father and the grand-father molested her as a child.  Later in life she used this abuse to justify any negative behavior she felt like engaging in.   After all, she thought, anyone else who suffered what she had would talk numerous doctors into prescribing them narcotics too.  Anyone else would consume massive quantities of vodka along with the narcotics just as she had.  Any time the notion of a God came up she successfully rejected it on the grounds that her grand-father as a “man of God” had done all sorts of things.

     She worked hard, got perfect grades and graduated at the top of her class in both high school and college.  Now a professional woman, no one could criticize her – after all, in the eyes of the public she was the “ideal career woman.”  And one day she came to realize that she was doing just what her parents and grand-parents had done.  She had created a home life full of turmoil and chaos while putting on a pristine face to the public.  And no matter how she tried to break the mold and the addictions, she failed.  When she would pray the prayers were all about “Why?”  God, why did you give me this forsaken life?  Why did you make me deal with all this abuse?  Why did you allow me to become the same thing that I so despise?

     She shared that her break-through only came after she was taught to start asking how.  How can I be a better woman and parent today?  How can I earn what I need and represent my clients well without taking advantage of people?  How can I rid myself of guilt and shame that have accumulated over four decades?   How can I break the chains of chemical addictions and still live with myself?  When she started earnestly asking these questions, people mysteriously started showing up in her life that showed her the way.  When she started to pursue progress rather than perfection her life began to change. 

     This transition took place over thirty years ago, and today she is the mother and the grand-mother she herself always wanted.  Today she knows the questions to ask, she has learned the actions to take and she has come to know peace.  And she feels it all stemmed from learning to ask the right questions in the first place.

Today, may I seek progress.

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Have an awesome Christmas Eve !!

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